It's been a week since my last post, and I wanted to share what's been happening. If you've been following my journey, you'll know that I've recently moved from East London to Bedford. This change was driven by a desire to find a better work-life balance, to be closer to my aging relatives, and to ease financial pressures by going mortgage-free. I finally moved out of my mum's house, where she graciously hosted me for four months. The last month was especially stressful due to an unfortunate experience with a less-than-reliable builder I hired for my home renovation.
Navigating this situation as a single woman has been challenging, with constant struggles to keep the builders on track. The quality of work has been disappointing, the timeline extended, and the budget stretched, particularly when they halted work until I made a significant payment. This has been an emotional rollercoaster, leaving me feeling out of control and unheard, much like some experiences I've had in the workplace.
The reason for my recent absence is simple: I'm human. Even though I frequently offer advice on resilience, positivity, and moving forward, there are times when it's crucial to give ourselves a break. It's okay to acknowledge when we're not in the right headspace, to feel demotivated, taken advantage of, and frustrated when things don't go as planned.
Throughout my career as a contractor, I've been my harshest critic, accustomed to tough objectives, tight timelines, and high expectations. This recent ordeal with the builders made me realise that I haven't been kind to myself. While we can't control others' actions, we can control our reactions. Sometimes, we need to extend the same compassion to ourselves that we would to others.
In these challenging times, it's essential to practice self-compassion. According to an insightful article from Brain Matters Psychology, self-compassion involves being kind to oneself in moments of failure or suffering. It means treating yourself with the same care and understanding you would offer to a friend in a similar situation. This concept is particularly important when facing difficulties, as it allows us to maintain emotional well-being and resilience.
Kristin Neff, a leading researcher on self-compassion, identifies three core components: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. Self-kindness entails being warm and understanding towards ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain or being self-critical. Common humanity involves recognising that suffering and personal inadequacy are part of the shared human experience – something we all go through rather than something that happens to "me" alone. Mindfulness requires taking a balanced approach to negative emotions so that feelings are neither suppressed nor exaggerated.
Reflecting on my recent experiences, I see how vital these principles are. The frustration and helplessness I felt dealing with unreliable builders and an extended renovation timeline could have easily led to self-criticism. Instead, embracing self-compassion has allowed me to acknowledge my feelings without judgment and to recognise that setbacks are a common part of life.
Another article from Transformative Work Design echoes this sentiment, highlighting the importance of being kind to ourselves during difficult times. The article points out that self-compassion is not about self-pity or making excuses for oneself. Instead, it's about acknowledging our mistakes and shortcomings with understanding and patience. This approach can help us build resilience and improve our overall mental health.
Self-compassion also involves setting boundaries and prioritising self-care. In my case, taking a week off to regroup and process my emotions was an act of self-care. It allowed me to step back from the stress and regain my strength. As the article from Transformative Work Design suggests, it's crucial to listen to our bodies and minds, giving ourselves permission to rest and recover when needed.
During this time, I also found it helpful to engage in activities that promote relaxation and well-being. This included spending time with family, engaging in gentle exercise (I’ll admit my pooch Bobbie has never had so many walks), and practising mindfulness meditation. These practices not only helped me cope with the immediate stress but also reinforced the importance of maintaining a balanced approach to life's challenges.
Furthermore, this experience has reminded me of the value of seeking support from others. Whether it's talking to a trusted friend, family member, or a professional coach, reaching out for support can provide a different perspective and help us navigate difficult situations more effectively. It's important to remember that we don't have to go through tough times alone.
Incorporating self-compassion into our daily lives can be transformative. It enables us to approach challenges with a healthier mindset and reduces the risk of burnout. By being kind to ourselves, we can maintain our mental and emotional well-being, even in the face of adversity.
As I move forward with my coaching business, I am committed to practising self-compassion and encouraging my clients to do the same. It's a vital tool for achieving personal growth and professional success. We all face obstacles and setbacks, but how we respond to them can make a significant difference in our overall happiness and well-being.
Now, I'm on the other side of this ordeal. The troublesome builders are no longer part of the picture. Instead, I've tapped into my network to hire a general DIY lady and a skilled carpenter who initially helped with my wardrobes and is quickly becoming an invaluable asset. With a fresh mindset, renewed enthusiasm, and solid support, I'm feeling much more confident that the new life I've worked so hard to create is finally within reach.
In conclusion, practising self-compassion is not a sign of weakness but a strength that allows us to navigate life's challenges with grace and resilience. By being kind to ourselves, acknowledging our shared humanity, and maintaining mindfulness, we can overcome obstacles and continue to grow and thrive. So, the next time you face a tough situation, remember to extend the same compassion to yourself that you would to a dear friend. It's an essential step towards a healthier, happier life .
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